Slow to Speak:What the Bible Says About Talking Too Much – James 1:19-21

I have a problem that you probably have too. I’m guilty of talking too much too often, and it gets me in trouble.

My kids start telling me about their day at school, and I immediately jump in and start talking about how what they said reminded me of the time when I… and their eyes glaze over in boredom.

And when other people are talking, what are most of us doing? Instead of listening intently, we’re thinking about what we want to say next, waiting for the moment they pause to jump back in.   

Here’s a question I want you to sit with for just a second.

When was the last time you were in a conversation and you thought to yourself, “I really wish that person would talk more and listen less”?

Probably never, right?

And yet, if we’re honest, that’s exactly what most of us do. We talk too much. We listen too little. And when things don’t go our way, we get frustrated fast.

So what does that do to our relationships? Are your relationships better or worse when you speak more than you listen? 

I’ll be honest, I’m a pastor who gets paid to speak for a living. But I’ve learned that listening is an even more important skill. Most people just need to know they are heard, and my biggest regrets all happened because I opened my mouth too fast. 

The Bible says a lot about this.

Be Quick to Listen

In James 1:19-21 (ESV), James writes:

¹⁹ Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. ²¹ Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. 

Wisdom says we should be quick to hear and slow to speak and slow to anger. 

We are often the opposite. We live in a world that rewards fast-talking, hot-take-opinion-shouting people. Social media is basically a giant competition to see who can say something first and say it angriest.

Wisdom requires slowing down, but we aren’t slow to anything. 

Instead of being quick to hear, we hear quickly. We don’t listen. We just wait for our chance to speak. 

Instead of being slow to speak, we talk fast. Why do we feel like we have to give our opinion on everything? Ask yourself, “Did anyone ask for my opinion on this or am I just force-feeding it to them?”

Instead of being slow to anger, we anger easily. It feels like many people today are a powder keg looking for a flame. 

Why Your Anger Isn’t Working

“The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (1:20).

Anger doesn’t produce the righteousness of God in you. And it also doesn’t produce righteousness of God in the people you spout off to.

Notice it says the anger of man. There is a difference between the anger of man and the anger of God. There is a righteous anger that is sometimes good and necessary, and that’s a whole other subject. But we are talking about fleshly, human anger that is misplaced and anything but godly. It’s an emotion that drives you to do and say all kinds of evil, unrighteous, and hurtful things to the people around you.

And this anger does not produce the righteousness of God. 

Parents, if you lose your temper at your kids over and over again for years, they might behave better around you right away because they’re afraid of you. But watch what happens in the long run when they are no longer young and make decisions for themselves outside of your watch. Will all the anger from you produce righteousness in them? 

That’s not how I’ve ever seen it. Angry parents often produce angry and rebellious kids.

This can apply to any relationship: at work, at school, in traffic. I have never in my life seen someone flip off a driver who cut them off and that made the other driver calm down, rethink their life choices, and take a more righteous path.

Whether it is a conflict with your wife, your kids, your parents, your coworkers, or the guy on the freeway. You can steamroll people with a lot of angry words and you might win the argument, but you lose the war.

Matching another’s anger with your anger doesn’t solve anything. It’s throwing gas on the fire. Listen intently as they shout their anger, then respond calmly and graciously, validating their feelings, addressing their concerns, and explaining where you may disagree and why.

I’ve disarmed so many anger bombs this way.

So what should you do instead when you notice that, like me, you have a problem with not listening, speaking too fast, and letting anger erupt?

The Real Solution: Receive the Word with Humility

“Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (1:21). 

It’s not just that we should listen to everything. Most importantly, we should listen to what matters most, the word of God. Everything we listen to then is filtered through the word.

Slow down today. Put aside all the filthiness of the world. James uses words that are like a metaphor for changing clothing. It’s almost like saying take off those filthy rags of unrighteousness that you’ve been wearing, and sit in the presence of God. Humbly hear from him. Listen to his word. And don’t merely listen, receive it. Ponder the implications of what it means, and let it take root in your life. 

God’s word is like a seed. When you humbly receive it, it is implanted on good soil and takes root. And that little seed will grow into a tree that bears incredible fruit.

And what does that mean that the word is able to save your souls? We are saved by grace through faith in Christ alone. And faith comes from hearing the word of God. 

And you won’t hear from God if you keep talking, keep getting angry, and don’t slow down to listen.

So will you receive this word today? 

A Simple Challenge This Week

Listen first, and then speak with care and wisdom when the time is right. This will save you from so many problems in life. And it honors God.

This week, before you speak, fire off the online comment or say something emotionally charged that you might regret, ask yourself, “Have I actually listened?” 

If not, slow down.

And if all else fails, get some duct tape.