11 Wedding Mistakes Pastors Make

We’ve all seen the funny home videos of weddings gone wrong. The groom feints, the best man loses the rings, the bride trips down the aisle, or somebody knocks over a candle, lighting the church on fire. There are a lot of ways a wedding can go wrong. And pastors aren’t perfect either. There are plenty of wedding mistakes pastors can make.

So if you’re a pastor like me, you want to avoid any mistakes you have control over. Here are eleven common wedding mistakes pastors make.

1. Making the wedding about you 

It’s sad that I have to say this, but look at me, the wedding is not about you. That shouldn’t be surprising, but I’ve been to ceremonies where the officiant tries to steal the show.

They turn the wedding into a performance for their glory. They tell stories all about themself. They try to impress people with how great they are. They tell lots of jokes to get laughs so people think they are funny, sometimes even at the expense of the bride and groom. They want the spotlight so they can shine. 

Don’t do that. That’s not what a wedding should be.

Weddings are all about God first and the bride and groom second. Your job is to honor the Lord and shine the spotlight on the couple and their commitment to one another before him.

So don’t steal the show. It’s not about you.

2. Saying Wrong Names

This one is awful, but it’s more common than you think. Pastors can do a lot of weddings over the years, and sometimes when you are reusing a trusty wedding sermon, you might forget to change a name somewhere in the script. Other times, you may not know the couple very well, or your memory blanks on you. So however it happens, before you know it, you refer to the bride by a different name. And let’s all hope that if you ever do this, it’s not coincidently the name of a bride or groom’s ex!

If you do say the wrong name, hopefully, you catch it. But I’ve heard horror stories of pastors obliviously using the wrong name until people in the audience shout it out to them.

So I always triple-check the bride and groom’s names in my manuscript, and I spell them phonetically so I don’t butcher the pronunciation either. 

Another trick that helps is to repeat their names over and over before the ceremony to get them stuck in your brain. 

3. Forget to sign the marriage license

Besides performing the wedding, your primary responsibility is to sign the marriage license. Sometimes pastors are in a rush to get home or get caught up talking to people afterward, and they forget to sign the marriage license. Whoops. 

The last thing you want after a wedding is to get a call wondering where you went, asking you to come back to sign the license. It’s not the end of the world, but it is embarrassing and doesn’t look good for you.

Never leave without first signing the license and ensuring that the couple and witnesses have signed it as well. 

4. Not having a pen

As we just said, it’s important for everyone to sign the marriage license. But sometimes you get to the moment to sign the license, and nobody brought a pen.

So you’re stuck walking around searching for one or resorting to shouting across the wedding venue, “Does anyone have a pen?”

Don’t trust that somebody will always remember to have a pen to sign the license. Weddings have hundreds of details, and a pen is a small thing that’s easily forgotten or left behind. 

Most of the time, I’ve found that people have a pen ready. But trust me on this one, have a backup pen in your pocket. You just might save the day.

5. Rings aren’t ready 

Near the end of the ceremony, the pastor asks, “May I have the rings please?” An awkward silence fills the room. Everyone looks around like somebody else might have them. 

Unprepared ring mistakes can happen in a variety of ways. Maybe whoever is supposed to have them loses them. Or perhaps they have them, but they are still packaged, and you have to remove plastic off of them or are unable to remove them from the box. Or maybe the price tag is still attached.

Don’t let this mistake happen. Always check before the wedding who has the rings, and know exactly how they will be given to you. Also, ask if you can see the rings to make sure they can come out of the box easily and don’t have anything on them that shouldn’t be in the ceremony.

6. Cell phone rings

It’s bad enough when a phone rings in the audience, but when it’s the wedding officiant’s phone, it adds an extra level of distraction and embarrassment.

So if you can, before the ceremony begins, ask people to silence phones, and always make sure yours is silent. That goes for your watch or anything else on you that beeps and boops too!

7. Stumbling over words 

Occasional stumbles happen whenever people speak in public. But I’ve been to weddings where the officiant stumbled and bumbled through the entire ceremony with lots of umms and uhs and trouble saying the right words.

This is often a sign that the person didn’t rehearse enough. Even if you are reading from a script, like I do, you still need to practice out loud. Why?

First, it will help you get familiar with the ceremony so that you don’t stumble through it.

And second, you will catch some sentences that look good on paper but, for whatever reason, are hard for you to say out loud, causing you to trip up. When you find these phrases while rehearsing, you can rewrite them before you stumble in the ceremony.

8. Rushing the ceremony 

A common pitfall to any public speaker is talking too fast. It’s usually because they’re nervous. The adrenaline rush of standing in front of a crowd gets their heart pounding, and their words fire like a machine gun.

Slow down, turbo. This is a wedding, not an auction.

So if you are nervous, take a deep breath. Remind yourself to speak slow and clear. Don’t rush the wedding. Allow each word to sink in, and don’t be afraid of silence.

9. Rambling on and on and on…

I talked to a friend recently who attended a wedding, and when I asked him how it was, he said, “Brandon, the pastor gave a 45-minute sermon!” And that was not including the rest of the ceremony. So the one thing my friend remembered about the wedding was that it took forever, and he was bored to tears.

Nobody wants to go to a really long wedding ceremony. And the wedding party doesn’t want to stand still up there for an hour. Most of the ceremonies that I perform are within 15-30 minutes. 

So keep things concise. Say what needs to be said, but don’t keep babbling on and on and on. 

Remember, the wedding isn’t about you. When you speak too long, like it or not, you’re making it about yourself. Think about everyone else. 

10. Microphone problems 

Always check your mic before the ceremony. Microphones can cause all sorts of technical problems. 

Check the battery to make sure it’s fully charged. 

If it’s a wireless handheld mic, make sure that you aren’t holding the bottom of the mic where the wireless antenna usually is. That can cause static. 

If you have a headset mic, make sure that the cables are tucked nicely down the back of your shirt and aren’t rubbing on anything or tugging when you move. That can cause pops and hissing. 

If you are standing near a set of speakers, make sure the microphone isn’t picking up the sound from the speakers or that you aren’t walking in front of speakers at any point with the mic on. That will cause feedback. 

All this goes to say, always check the microphone. Always.

11. Ignoring Obvious Mistakes 

If there is an obvious mistake in the ceremony, don’t ignore it. Say a bridesmaid falls down the aisle, you drop the rings, or you say make one of the mistakes above, like saying the wrong name. You can’t just ignore that.

Instead, pointing it out in a funny way. Just don’t do it at the expense of someone else and hurt their feelings. A harmless joke will alleviate the tension in the room. People will laugh, and you can move on with the ceremony.

For example, if the bride or groom is clearly struggling with something, taking far longer than they should, you could say something like, “Take as long as you need. It’s your wedding.” If something breaks, you could say, “As you can see, we spared no expense.” And if you say a wrong word or name, just say what everyone is thinking, “Well, that was awkward. Let’s try that again.”

The key here is this: Don’t say anything if it could embarrass anyone. But do say something when there is an obvious tension in the room and you need to ease the situation.

Addressing a problem will help lighten the moment, encourage someone that everything is okay (these things happen), and, if needed, indicate the need for somebody to step in to help. 

Call to Action: Wedding Course 

If you would like some more help on avoiding these mistakes and many others, you need to check out my online wedding course, Perform a Wedding: A Pastor’s Guide Step-by-step Guide from the First Meeting to the Big Day

I took all of the lessons that I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made over 15 years in ministry and created this course for you. I wish I had something like this when I started as a young pastor.

In addition to walking you through each step in the process of performing a wedding (from meeting with the couple to premarital counseling to planning the ceremony and finally performing the wedding), I also have included all of the tools that I have created for myself to make performing a wedding fun and easy. 

You’ll get a handful of customizable wedding ceremony scripts for different styles and occasions, which will save your hours and hours of writing your own. You’ll also get some tools for premarital counseling, questions to ask when you meet with the couple, templates to help plan the order of the ceremony, and more. 

So if that sounds helpful for you, head on over to my wedding course and check it out. I guarantee that it will be worth the minor investment in yourself or I’ll give you your money back.

I’m excited to see how many people this will help.

What are some of the worst wedding mistakes you’ve seen or made yourself?